Intentional Networker or Chaotic Connector?!
Hello! How lovely to meet you x
When I hear the word Networking, I can’t help but roll my eyes and let out a little groan!
I immediately think, Who will I know? Will anyone talk to me? It’s funny, really, because anyone who knows me will tell you how much I love people and how gregarious I am. Once I’m actually at a networking event, I’m completely in my element—chatting away, engaging with new faces, and following up with intention. But like many of you, I still feel that pre-event dread.
So, why do I feel like someone who could write this blog about networking? Because I get it. I STILL feel the anxiety, but over time, I’ve created a few practices that help me move through it. I’m also an over-preparer (to say the least), which definitely helps turn this dread into intentionality, so I don’t end up asking myself, What am I doing here?!
Networking doesn’t have to feel like a chore or involve forced small talk while balancing canapés. It can be a lot more natural and enjoyable if you approach it in a way that fits you. Grab a cuppa and let’s explore.
The Intentional Networker vs. the Chaotic Connector
Whilst the balance may have changed at different points in my life and career, I remain both an Intentional Networker and a Chaotic Connector. Early on, I was all about being intentional, pouring over lists of attendees, speakers, and suppliers to map out exactly who I needed to meet. I’d walk in with a concrete plan, ready to get those key connections for my organisation (and maybe a little for myself too). I’d leave with a bag full of business cards (a little bit grabby!!), which I’d then sort into categories like:
Call them
Email and schedule a follow-up
Send a friendly "Nice to meet you" with no urgency
And yes… some cards went in the bin (honest moment here)
And now? 30 plus years in the making, I’ve softened into more of a “By Chance Connector,” where great connections sometimes happen more unexpectedly. I’ve made fantastic relationships this way too, without a strict plan.
The balance I’ve found between the two styles keeps things intentional but also allows space for organic connections. Like many things, there’s always a sweet spot.
The Real Benefits of Networking
In the beginning, I was probably a little too focused on what I could get out of it—collecting contacts like trophies. But over time. I’ve soon came to realise it’s not about accumulating names, it’s mostly about building relationships. I’m much more about quality over quantity, leaving events with just a small handful of people I truly want to connect with, rather than that stack of cards.
Focusing on these relationships rather than the transaction is a game-changer. I can make sure I offer value, stay curious, and show genuine interest in others, much more on giving than receiving mode, and as a result you tend to end up receiving anyway in the most least expecting ways.
Here’s what I’ve learned about the real benefits of networking:
Long-Term Relationships: These don’t happen overnight. It takes time to build a solid network that offers support, insight, and growth.
Sharing Knowledge: The more diverse your network, the more perspectives and expertise you have access to. You learn from others and gain fresh insights.
Access to Opportunities: Networking often opens doors to new collaborations, other new connections and learning experiences, sometimes when you least expect it.
Busting the Networking Myths
The idea that you need to attend formal events to “do” networking is outdated. Networking can happen anywhere—online, during casual conversations, at smaller events, or even while engaging in a shared hobby. These days, I’m much more into “low-pressure” networking, which often takes place from the comfort of my sofa while I’m in my PJs! Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing I like more than getting togged up (glitter being a favourite) for big networking events but these are fewer and far between these days - both due to my change in intention and equally because the grand gestures and big events don’t exist on the same scale anymore. It’s now equally about the everyday interactions that feel more natural and authentic. There is definitely space for a spectrum of networking opportunities, and I am loving the choices I can make. So can you!
Networking for Those Who Hate Networking
So, if the idea of making small talk while juggling wine, canapés and QR codes (I am so current!!) fills you with dread, you’re not alone! Thankfully, there are other ways to enjoy the benefits of networking without putting yourself through that.
Here are some alternatives for the introverts and reluctant networkers out there:
Join Online Communities: Whether on LinkedIn, Slack, or forums, these platforms allow you to connect with like-minded people without the face-to-face pressure.
Attend Smaller, Focused Events: Workshops and smaller seminars allow for deeper conversations and more meaningful connections.
Leverage Social Media: You can build your personal brand and engage with others by contributing thoughtful content on platforms like LinkedIn or X (formerly Twitter).
Rekindle Dormant Connections: Reach out to colleagues or contacts you haven’t spoken to in a while. Sometimes reigniting an old connection is more effective than starting new ones.
Right now, my favourite method is rekindling dormant connections. I’ve set myself a little monthly challenge to reach out to someone I haven’t spoken to in a while. Who knows what opportunities might come from it?
Key Takeaway: Networking Is About Relationships, Not Transactions
“Networking is more like farming than hunting. It’s about cultivating relationships over time.”
I love this metaphor. It reminds me to “re-plough the fields” with connections I may have neglected over time. If the soil was good to begin with, chances are, the relationship will pick up where it left off. For me, that’s the true success of intentional networking—genuine, lasting connections that evolve beyond a simple exchange of business cards.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re an Intentional Networker or a more spontaneous connector, the key to successful networking is to be yourself.
Embrace the awkwardness, stay curious, and most importantly, build real relationships. And remember, it’s about what you can give just as much as what you can receive.
Bring…Breathe…Be
COULD YOU DO WITH SOME HELP WORKING OUT HOW BEST TO BUILD YOUR NETWORK? DROP ME A LINE AND LET’S TALK!
Bobby Davis is a qualified executive and team coach with extensive experience in organisational development, business change (the people angle), human resources and personal leadership.
Her coaching experience is against a backdrop of 30+ years working in managerial and human resources/OD roles in the British Army, Not for Profits, Professional Services and most recently with a private equity owned Hotel Group.
She has led the People “strand” within large business transformation programmes, creating people strategies, internal coaching schemes and embedding strong performance cultures, as well as supporting at all levels of an organisation to implement effective change.
She is absolutely passionate in her pursuit to support, challenge and deliver sustainable change for individuals, teams and organisations, one person at a time if necessary!
You can catch her for a chat about coaching, using your body better as a leader and/or supporting you in HR/OD here Bobby Davis FCIPD PCC | LinkedIn
And check out her dulcet tones in “More Than A Lumpy Jumper” - Conversations about Leadership, Life and Learning here More Than a Lumpy Jumper | Podcast on Spotify
