Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Is That the Right Buzzword?
A Space for Emotional Containment xx
Alright, let’s cut to the chase, shall we?
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has become one of those terms that gets tossed around like glitter—showing up in boardrooms, self-help books, and social media feeds. Everyone’s raving about how it’ll make you a better leader, a better partner, and—who knows—maybe even a more enlightened human. And honestly, who wouldn’t want that?
But here’s the thing that keeps bugging me: “Intelligence.” There’s something about that word that doesn’t quite sit right with me. “Quotient”? Sure, that works. But Intelligence? Now we’re into territory that makes emotions sound like something we can solve with our heads. That’s where I call time out.
You see, emotions don’t live in your head. They live in your body. You don’t think your way into feeling angry, happy, frustrated, or content. These feelings rise in your chest, tighten in your jaw, make your hands clammy, and leave your body vibrating. So, if we’re stuck up in the word Intelligence, we’re not diving deep enough into the full experience of emotion—where it really happens.
Let’s Talk About Your Body’s Memory
I bet while reading this, you’re starting to remember a few times when you lost your cool. Maybe it was when that colleague asked the same question for the third time, or when someone cut you off in traffic. The memory is right there, isn’t it? But here’s the kicker—your body remembers it too.
Right now, just recalling those moments, I bet your breath is a little shorter, maybe your jaw’s clenched, your skin’s feeling a little warmer, and if you really tune in, you’ll notice that your body’s holding onto those sensations. I’ve just caught myself holding my stomach taut, cutting off the sensation into my legs!!! And if you’re stuck in your head, those feelings might be dulled—but they’re still there, waiting for you to acknowledge them.
So, let’s stick around here for a minute, shall we? Before we dive into why EQ matters, let’s explore how this whole "buzzword" thing connects to something that goes deeper than your mind—into the body.
The Four Components of EQ—According to the “Godfather”
The experts, like Daniel Goleman (aka “the Godfather of EQ”), break it down into four main areas. Now, before you glaze over, I promise we’ll get to the fun part soon:
Self-Awareness: Do you “know” how you’re feeling right now? No, really. If you can’t figure out what’s going on inside, how are going to manage it?
Self-Management: Great, you’re aware of your emotions. Now, can you keep them in check when your inbox blows up with "urgent" requests?
Social Awareness: Are you in tune with the people around you, or are you missing the fact that your sarcasm didn’t land as well as you thought it would?
Relationship Management: And here’s the juicy bit—how do you navigate the tricky stuff with other people? Can you build trust and resolve conflict without turning into a passive-aggressive tornado?
The “Rhythm of Excitement”—Where Your EQ Really Lives
Now, let’s stir this up a little. I’ve spent over a decade working with the Strozzi Institute’s approach to the body, specifically the Rhythm of Excitement. This practice takes everything you just read about EQ and grounds it in your body—where the real magic happens. It’s about how energy moves through you and how that energy influences the way you show up in the world.
Here’s how it breaks down:
Awakening: That spark of energy—your impulse to act. Maybe it’s the excitement bubbling up when you get a brilliant idea, or the surge of irritation when someone cuts you off in traffic.
Increasing: The energy starts ramping up. You’re ready to act on that feeling—whether it’s to channel that excitement into a new project or give someone a piece of your mind.
Containment: Can you hold that energy? This is the make-or-break point. Does the excitement (or frustration) mature and settle, or do you lose control, letting it spill out in all directions?
Completion: The energy’s done its thing. You’ve felt it, expressed it, and now you’re ready to move on. Or, if you couldn’t contain it, maybe there’s a mess to clean up.
The Rhythm of Excitement is where I’ve spent a lot of time. And if I’m honest, in my younger years, I wasn’t so good at Containment. I’d be quick to awaken, quick to escalate, and then—boom—an explosion of joy or frustration. It wasn’t pretty, and there was little room for anyone else’s emotions in the process. It was all me, all the time. Sound familiar?
When EQ Meets the Body
Here’s where it gets interesting. This Rhythm of Excitement is the secret sauce to building self-awareness, the foundation of EQ. Back in the day, when I wasn’t containing that energy, it looked like emotional outbursts or just plain exhaustion. My container—my capacity to hold emotions—wasn’t big enough to manage what I was feeling, so things leaked out. Sometimes dramatically.
But over time, working with these practices, I built a bigger container for all that energy. Now, I can hold space for both my own emotions and other people’s. And this is where EQ really lives. It’s not in your head—it’s in your body.
So, Why the Hell Do You Need EQ?
Let’s bring this back down to Earth. Why should you care about EQ? Because if you don’t, you’re going to keep running into the same walls. Here’s why it matters:
Don’t Be "That Person"
You know the one—the person who can’t read the room, flies off the handle, or drains everyone around them. EQ helps you stop being the emotional wreck in the room (trust me, I’ve been there).Navigate Drama Like a Pro
EQ is your drama shield. It helps you read the situation, keep your cool, and avoid endless cycles of conflict. The next time things start to escalate, you’ll know how to steer the ship back to calmer waters.Get Stuff Done
People with high EQ don’t let emotional drama derail their day. You’ve got the container to hold your feelings, manage them, and keep moving forward. You’ll find that things get done a lot faster when you’re not constantly being thrown off course by your own emotions.Build Stronger Relationships
Whether it’s at work or home, EQ helps you build trust, communicate better, and strengthen your connections. And honestly, isn’t that what we’re all after?
Ready to Tap Into Your Rhythm?
Here’s what you can start doing today to get in touch with your own Rhythm of Excitement:
Practice Self-Awareness: Get real with yourself about what you’re feeling (Awakening).
Manage Your Reactions: Before you snap, pause and ask if this is the moment to act (Increasing and Containing).
Listen to Others: Are you actually hearing what they’re saying, or just waiting for your turn to speak? (Containment).
Journaling: Put your emotions on paper—it helps clear the space so they don’t stew in your body.
Boom—self-awareness unlocked. You’re already on your way.
Bring…Breathe…Be
I wish you well on your journey. Stay fierce, stay curious, and most of all, stay kind to yourself.
COULD YOU DO WITH SOME HELP WITH BUILDING YOUR CONTAINER? DROP ME A LINE AND LET’S TALK TOGETHER!
Bobby Davis is a qualified executive and team coach with extensive experience in organisational development, business change (the people angle), human resources and personal leadership.
Her coaching experience is against a backdrop of 30+ years working in managerial and human resources/OD roles in the British Army, Not for Profits, Professional Services and most recently with a private equity owned Hotel Group.
She has led the People “strand” within large business transformation programmes, creating people strategies, internal coaching schemes and embedding strong performance cultures, as well as supporting at all levels of an organisation to implement effective change.
She is absolutely passionate in her pursuit to support, challenge and deliver sustainable change for individuals, teams and organisations, one person at a time if necessary!
You can catch her for a chat about coaching, using your body better as a leader and/or supporting you in HR/OD here Bobby Davis FCIPD PCC | LinkedIn
And check out her dulcet tones in “More Than A Lumpy Jumper” - Conversations about Leadership, Life and Learning here More Than a Lumpy Jumper | Podcast on Spotify