Leading with Love: How Parenting Shaped My Leadership (and Still Does)
I’m not planning and perfecting, I’m simply being.
Mother. Stepmother. Leader. Aunt. Grandparent. These aren’t just roles, they are chapters in a life lived on the move, sometimes full throttle, always full-hearted. Each one has called something new out of me: structure, surrender, softness, strength. Sometimes all in the same day.
But I didn’t arrive here with wisdom. I earned it the long way.
When I first stepped into parenting, as a stepmother, I came in like an Army Officer! I wanted rules. Structure. Clarity. I set the agenda, I expected it to be followed. There were spreadsheets for the weeks, months ahead, plans for every possible scenario, and a tight grip on how it should all unfold. Control was my comfort zone.
Our own little one arrived and I simply doubled down. More structure. More planning. More ‘just do as I say.’ I was trying to keep everyone safe and on track, but in truth, I was squeezing the life out of it all. I couldn’t see it then, but I was operating from fear, trying to get it right …perfect… not love. And the eye-rolling from the not-so-little humans only confirmed how much I was missing the mark.
Work, oddly enough, felt easier. I felt competent there, respected. I could think clearly and execute well. Home was the messier puzzle. But eventually, it caught up with me. The brittleness. The constant sense of failure. The weight of trying to hold it all together without holding myself.
And then, like sunlight through a crack, the glimmers of something new arrived.
I began to turn toward myself. To learn the language of self-love, self-development, and self-compassion. Slowly, the armour plating I’d built around my heart began to soften. I began to breathe. To listen. To really see the people I was trying so hard to shape.
I reclaimed my creativity, not as something performative, but as something playful and alive. I lightened up. Bespoke birthday parties became an outlet, not a performance. Joy crept in through treasure hunts, advent calendars, games and letting things be a little more messy, a little more human.
What changed in me as a parent began to change in me as a leader.
I listened more. I let go of the fantasy that I had to have all the answers. I learned how to make room for other people’s growth, even when it didn’t look like I expected. I started leading from relationship, not just responsibility.
From Parenting to Presence
Now, the pace has changed. I’m no longer in the thick of day-to-day parenting. But I’m not done being shaped by it either.
There’s a new ease that’s found me in this season. When I’m “aunting” or grandparenting, I’m not planning and perfecting, I’m simply being. I have more time, more patience, more delight in the moment. I’m not trying to get it right. I’m just trying to show up.
There’s such freedom in this more relaxed stance. I read stories. I cuddle. I listen more than I speak. I offer wisdom when it’s wanted, and presence when it’s not. There’s no performance here. Just proximity, and the deep quiet joy that comes with it.
The Shift With Grown Children
One of the most surprising joys has been the shift in relationship with my now-adult children. The parenting role evolves, sometimes gradually, sometimes overnight, into something more mutual, more curious, more… equal. Conversations deepen. Advice is requested (and sometimes taken). We reflect on what we’ve learned from each other. There are still echoes of our old dynamics, of course, but now we laugh about them. There’s space for all of it.
This adult-to-adult relationship is a particular kind of treasure. It brings home the truth that parenting never really ends, it just shapeshifts. It becomes more about wisdom than worry. More about guidance than governance. More delight, less duty.
What the Research Says
I used to think that parenting and leadership were two different worlds I had to straddle. But research confirms what I’ve lived: that the two are deeply intertwined.
A 2021 Harvard Business Review study found that parents, particularly mothers, develop a host of skills that directly enhance leadership effectiveness, including emotional regulation, adaptability, time management, and creative problem-solving. The researchers noted that “parents often become more empathetic, more decisive, and better able to prioritise under pressure.” Sound familiar?
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, in her work on conscious parenting, reframes the role of the parent as a mirror, not a mould. She challenges us to do our own inner work, not to control our children’s behaviour, but to grow in awareness ourselves. That principle holds just as true in leadership, AND whether you have chosen to parent (in whatever guise that might take) or not.
The most effective leaders I know aren’t the ones who manage people like spreadsheets. They’re the ones who bring presence, humility, and a willingness to grow. They listen. They evolve. They lead like humans.
Proximity is Everything
Family proximity, emotional and physical, is everything to me. It keeps me grounded. It reminds me who I am beyond titles and to-do lists. It asks me to show up, not to perform. It makes me a better person. A better leader.
It’s taken time to grow into all these identities. Time to forgive myself for the rigid years. Time to soften. But the journey has been a beautiful adventure. And the growth continues.
So whether I’m leading a team, hosting a birthday party, or reading Thomas the Tank Engine for the hundredth time, I know what I’m bringing now.
More breath.
More heart.
More love.
And maybe a little mischief too.
Bobby Davis is a qualified executive and team coach with extensive experience in organisational development, business change (the people angle), human resources and personal leadership.
Her coaching experience is against a backdrop of 30+ years working in managerial and human resources/OD roles in the British Army, Not for Profits, Professional Services and most recently with a private equity owned Hotel Group.
She has led the People “strand” within large business transformation programmes, creating people strategies, internal coaching schemes and embedding strong performance cultures, as well as supporting at all levels of an organisation to implement effective change.
She is absolutely passionate in her pursuit to support, challenge and deliver sustainable change for individuals, teams and organisations, one person at a time if necessary!
You can catch her for a chat about coaching, using your body better as a leader and/or supporting you in HR/OD here Bobby Davis FCIPD PCC | LinkedIn
And check out her dulcet tones in “More Than A Lumpy Jumper” - Conversations about Leadership, Life and Learning here More Than a Lumpy Jumper | Podcast on Spotify
